55 Things Sylar Is NOT Allowed To Do
by wicked18writer
Summary: Title self explanatory, random silliness list. Is fun and was inspired by not suck-y premier.


55 Things Sylar Is NOT Allowed To Do

Summary: Title self explanatory, random silliness.

Rating: T

Author: wicked18writer

Spoilers: Set in distant crack filled future.

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1 Dress up as a zombie for Halloween

2 …or Spock

3 Recite poetry when killing people

4 …or the lyrics to Sir Mix A Lot's 'Big Butts'

5 Spread rumors that the reason why Peter Petrelli can't keep a girlfriend is because he is gay…

6 …. And that he has a crush on Nathan…

7 …Or Drew Carey

8 Attempt to kill Claire Bennett by tying her up and playing 'Wind Beneath My Wings' over and over and over and over and over and over, in the hopes that her brain would commit suicide

9 Claim to have had passionate love making with Angela Petrelli

10 Claim to have had passionate love making with reality TV star Richard Hatch

11 Claim to have had passionate love making with his stuffed kangaroo named 'Tom'

12 Shape shift into the body of Noah Bennett while having passionate love making with Claire Bennett

13 Paint Nathan Petrrelli's nails bright pink in the middle of the night…

14 … And then say it was Claire's idea

15 Grow mustache and then twist it evilly while saying 'mah ha ha ha ha'

16 Abandon puppies by the side of the road because he thinks they may be plotting to take over the world

17 Argue with squirrels in the park

18 Draw a lightning bolt on Claire's forehead…

19 …. With permanent marker…

20 …And then claim to be Lord Voldermort…

21. …And then jab her with a stick while screaming 'Abra-shazzam'

22 Interrupt Nathan during a press conference by standing up and proclaiming himself 'king of the lab'….

23 …Or 'the wiener king'…

24 …Or 'brother of the Jesus Christ lizard that walks on water, not the guy who came back from the dead to eat multicolored marshmallow peeps'

25 Sing 'Hey Mickey' whenever Claire walks in the room…

26 Sing 'Mister Cellophane' whenever Mohinder walks in the room…

27 Sing 'Wannabe' whenever Nathan walks in the room…

28 Sing 'Barbie Girl' whenever Peter walks in the room…

29 Tell Ando that Hiro has a big gay crush on him…

30 Tell Hiro that Ando has candy in his pockets…

31 …Video tape Hiro and Ando's ensuing fight/grope fest

32 Scream 'Worship me bitches!" when walking into a room

33 Call Noah 'Buddy Holly'

34 …After Bobby tells him to turn down that 'racket'

35 Tell girls that he's related to John Stamos…

36 …Or Prez Hilton…

37 …Or the Marquis de Sade

38 Write and illustrate children's books like 'Daddy Left So Grow Up and Kill Everyone Till You Feel Better'

39 …Or 'The Angels Cry When You Touch Yourself There, or So Mommy Says'…

40 …Or '10 Reasons Why the Monster in Your Closet Is Probably Just Your Child Molesting Mother Waiting For You To Fall Asleep'

41 Wear Cape

42 Refer to Peter's empathy powers as his 'feminine problem'

43 Cut the crotch out of every pair of pants that Nathan owns

44 Telekinetically slap Tracey's hand into her forehead then ask her 'Why are you hitting your self?'

45 Ask people if they're pondering what he's pondering

46 Go to NASA and demand to know "WTF did you guys do with Pluto?"

47 Threaten to release the hounds when losing an argument…

48 …Or threaten to defenestrate himself in act of defiance to prove his point

49 Talk in the third person in different accents

50 Wear leather pants that lace up the sides

51 Shave Mr. Muggles

52 Change Noah's voicemail to 'Hi, this is the creepy misunderstood middle management guy who has either shot at you or drugged you so my even creepier partner the Haitian can have his wicked wicked way with you. I'm not in right now so if you'd like to kidnap or threaten my daughter Claire Bennett aka the Cheerleader she's at college right now in the Jefferson dorms room 86 C, so leave a message and my invisible son will not be mentioned at all and I'll get back to you as soon as I can"

53 Tell the NSA that he overheard Angela making threats on the President's life

54 Dye his hair blonde…

55…Try out for the same cheer squad as Claire while wearing a red and white cheerleading outfit

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A/N: Inspired by but not stolen from the indifferent child of earth's **51 Things Emmett Cullen Is Not Allowed To Do. **Which I highly recommend.

**And**** if you're the kind of reader who reviews, review me. If you're the kind of reader who just reads and doesn't review, telepathically send me a message telling me what you think of the story…and if your not telepathic you know the whole review button works too.**


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